I Won't Give Up

I have to admit that these 2 weeks has been to most toughest and lowliest moment of my life for this year. I hardly talked to people. I hardly expressed the feeling inside of me. From the outside i look alright somehow rather inside of me there was a turbulence and indescribable feeling going on. I wanted to quit and i wanted to give up. It seems that there is no way out of the situation that i faced.

I was praying hard for something and desperately wanting God to answer my prayer as soon as possible. I even query, "Why i have to go through all these?". I don't understand. >.< Really i don't understand. Tears running down my face each time i think of the situation i am facing. I feel heartache and pain in my chest. Could this be stopped? Could this find the end of it? There was no answered. I am losing my appetite. I am losing my joy. I am losing my spontaneous songs. I am losing my passion. 

I tried to figure things out. A way out. Desperately.

I fell on my knees as tears running down on my face. I cried.
I can't even say a word of prayer. I was groaning instead.

I told God, "Will you come and rescue me?"
Each time i entered into my 'prayer mountain' and drove from one destination to another, i never stopped praying that God will showed up. Desperately prayed each time. 

A week had past.
I still feel the same. 
Weak and no strength to walk through this journey. 
I told God, "I can't make it anymore. I have no strength."

I requested someone to prayed for me. I cried in pain. 
A word came and pierced deep into my still beating heart. 
Wilderness. Obedience. Trust. 
My heart beat paused for a while. 
I was slapped on my face.  

I searched everywhere. High and low.
What is the meaning of wilderness?
It seems that it has gone from my life dictionary and i have to pay for the price to know what it means.

In wilderness.
God asked for my total obedience and trust.
Can't i just trust God to bring me through the sand storm that i'm facing?
Can't i just trust God to pull me through the heat in the wilderness?
Will i obey God to walk through this journey faithfully 'til i entered into the promised land?

Now.
I can feel my heart beat rhythm has changed.
I can feel my blood circulation comes back to its normal route.
I can feel a warm feeling inside of me.
A new songs.

Smiling and laughing.
How foolish i was? 
I wanted things to go on my way.
I wanted to direct God to do what i want as if i am the BOSS. 

Precious. Priceless.
I learnt.
Not to understand everything. No one will.
Not to insist on my own way.
Never give up. Never quit.
To obey. To trust.
To lean on HIM as HE carried me throughout this journey i called seasons of life.

 ~ I won't give up ~

P.S - No matter what is the situation you are facing now. Continue to walk the journey. Do what is right. Never give up. Don't quit. You will see the silver lining at the end of the gloomy day. It won't last forever. Keep walking for you are not alone.